Listen, listen, listen. As we get older, we realize the importance of relationships. Yet, sometimes certain ones get neglected or taken for granted. And so, here we have it: A little encouraging push to recalibrate with those you consider your inner-circle, your peeps, your posse, those who know you for real for real.
Make no mistake, shtuff happens. Season change. Life can drastically slow down. Or drastically speed up. As well, your idea of what it takes for you to focus in getting something (a project, a degree, a personal goal) done can perhaps change the way you socialize. And in those changes, your bandwidth of time to be with people you love can be affected.
To those of you who know what I’m talking about, I’m with you. For those that don’t, let me drill down on this a bit more. As a single woman, for varying reasons, we can pull away from friends and family – be it for good reasons or arbitrary ones.
Whatever the reason is, it’s still not good to live in isolation.
And of course, I’m not talking about a complete siphoning off yourself from people, in general. No. I’m talking about the small drift from having quality time with the people that matter to you, at heart. If we’re honest, sometimes it can be tempting to not be around friends not because you don’t have time, but because we’re still dealing with the sadness of our loneliness, the unresolved envy or disappointment and the mystery of our singleness. Unfortunately, we get our mental wires crossed and mistakenly make ourselves think that if we have less time with our married friends or our family (who can sometimes remind us of our singleness), that it’ll be ok. We’ll be fine. Better. Happier.
But
Truth is – even though we’re single, we don’t need to live singular.
We need good ol’ community.
You know – the kind where you laugh at life while you eat a meal together. Or the kind where you create space to have the conversations where sentences start with “Y’know what I’ve been realizing lately….” Or “I’ve kind of been having to deal with…..”
And the perfume of life gets sprayed and the smelling salts of authentic vulnerability wakes your soul up.
Relationships matter. And they matter way before someone puts a ring on your finger.
It’s a beautiful thing to learn and practice loving people — individual human beings who uniquely carry meaning in your life. Certainly, as a single, I have felt that real love gets practiced when I’m married and learn to love my husband and then my kids.
But the journey doesn’t start then. And it won’t end there either.
So here’s some non-novel, super-duper simple ways of re-investing in your relationships:
Ask your friends or family about something that they are passionate about.
ASAP. Especially if their passion has no connection to you or your passions aren’t complementary. Doing this will not only be like playing their favorite song, it’ll be like you giving them space to have your attention squarely on them about their desires.
Buy a gift specifically just because.
Of course, people want you to remember their birthdays. Of course, get them a Christmas card (if your relationship swings that way). But spending money on a gift for no specific reason is a colossal compliment to the inner-child of everyone. You might say “But gifts aren’t their love language” or “They have all they need or want.” Patooey! It doesn’t matter! Gifts – big or small – have the wonderful ability of letting your friend know that hey you’re awesome – I thought about you, exerted my locomotive energy into getting you something, and then ensured that you got it. That’s thoughts x3. That matters.
Have a regular sit-down dinner with your family.
Life gets rushy. And you sure don’t need to eat with your folks, grand-folks or siblings, ‘cuz y’know, you grown now. But, as it stands – these people are family. *Your* family. They want to be loved, known, appreciated, and valued just like you. As time passes, they’re the ones you can easily take for granted. Choose to make a space to not let that happen. Choose to laugh with them and enjoy the simple pleasure of eating with them.
Send your friend a resource or an article specific to their professional goals.
I’m talking simply sharing something on facebook, linkedin, in an email or via text. It doesn’t matter what it is. The point here is that you are listening. You hear them. You were attentive to the goals they’re tackling probably on a daily basis or something they’re trying to accomplish this year. People’s professional life can take a gray, non-existent stage sometimes. But it is refreshing when you take the time to encourage your friend by strengthening them with a resource – a reminder that you care about their work.
Buy your friend his or her favorite food.
Yo, why do we forget that people have tastebuds….and that they get hungry? This kind of mini-investment is special, because it shows you know their tastebuds. J It’s a ridiculously beautiful thing when you not only know something about your friend – big or small – but actually show evidence that you know them. Buying their favorite meal or making it for them is one way. You are showing love — with your time, your care, your preparation, and the quality time you may spend with them eating it. Just do it. It’s so easy. You’re gonna eat anyway. J
Send them a hand-written card or note.
Listen, I’m all for emails, texts, and phone calls. But there’s a premium on hand-written anything! (It’s probably the reason why certain fonts being sold now are trending). There’s a visceral appreciation in anything that’s handwritten. Maybe it’s the fact that it takes more time to write something down. Maybe it’s the unique lettering of the person writing it. Maybe it’s both. Something is lost in all the virtual. Handwritten notes make things feel real. Makes it feel vintagely authentic. (Not saying emails and texts aren’t valuable – c’mon now). All I’m saying is, switch it up sometimes and write meaningful words appreciating that friend or family member. They’ll love it.
Pray for your family and friends.
Notice this isn’t the first thing. I’m all for prayer, but forgetting to love people in real time is serious business. Yet again, don’t forget to pray for your family and friends. If they’re special to you, why not? If you value them, how much more does God? If you feel they’re going through a rough time, why not ask for God’s help in their situation? Dedicate some space in your day — perhaps your own prayer time for yourself, to bless and pray for the relationships you’re wanting to reinvest in. Hear from God about how he feels for them. Be open to whatever song, scripture, or prayer comes on your heart that may encourage them in the future, if you want to disclose it to them.
Ask for prayer from your friends.
Sometimes in all of our life’s busyness our connection to friends can feel cold. We can almost give off the feeling of not needing those we love. Asking for prayer is a reminder to yourself and to your friends that you value them – their prayers, their help, their thoughts. The after-effect as a by-product is your friends realize that you care about their role in your life.
Send your friends “thinking of you” texts.
No need for super-long essays, declarations of appreciation, or lavish words about how much you value your friend or family. C’mon now – they know. You know. But those little bitty reminders on any random day? #Priceless. You know what I’m talking about. It can be as simple and basic as “Thinking of you girlie” or it can even be a screenshot of a pic and you sending it to your friend saying “Love you.” Listen, it doesn’t matter how simple it is. The point is – send your love. Don’t just think of them and not do anything. Send your thought to them not matter how basic it is. You don’t reinvest in a relationship just by thinking of the relationship, you actually take steps to show you enjoy and are present in this relationship.
All in all, the whole intent here is for you to boost your relational intelligence by taking action. Stop waiting for someone to catch your eye or a spouse to then get serious about how to love and when to. Love isn’t dependent on your relationship status. You can choose to value the people in your life with more than words (and dare I say it — with more than the things listed above). Take people in your life seriously. They are special.
Choose to re-invest in them.