Okay soo… Quite often we can easily fail to ask ourselves deeper than normal questions because of the rush of life.
Gotta get to work.
Prep for a meeting.
Debrief from that meeting.
Meet a deadline from that meeting
Pay a bill.
Make more money to pay more bills.
Go to grad school and accumulate more bills.
….All of this can make you feel like:
Right? And of course make time for the in-between life chores and fun with friends. Oh and go on that date too. (Bulleee ‘dat). BUT. As a young professional, taking time to reflect gets easily pushed out of the way for all those reasons. Personally, I feel I miss out on the treasure hunt of understanding myself, increasing my own self-awareness, and learning what huge hidden motivators are behind the decisions I make and behaviors I have.
I believe there’s a ton of work to be done while single in becoming mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy.
This blog piece was written to trigger greater reflection. That’s it. These questions are listed with that in mind. To give you a window into my own life, I have observed that whenever a couple of friends were dating and desired to get married, the natural next step was to schedule time for pre-marital counseling. (To be clear, this typically happened after their engagement). But even before that, I’ve been impressed with the many friends who have sought counseling from mentors and leaders way before their engagement. It’s beautiful to see the time they take together to prioritize thinking about what’s up ahead in uniting their lives; their unique personalities and differences; learning how to communicate to each other better; and also sorting through all the ways their upbringing, backgrounds, and self-imposed ideas can and will dictate their relationship. Beautiful, just beautiful.
The way I’ve transposed that same beauty in my own life as a single woman is by carving out time to journal, reflect, talk to myself, with God, with safe friends and on and on and on. Yea, so I’m pretty sure that I’m what you’d consider to be something like a Millennial contemplative. I deeply value taking time out to pray and think. Think and pray. To the point that “prinking” is a thing. Yes sir. We be prinking.
So here’s the deal: 30 questions. Not exhaustive by any means. Take time to read through. Maybe they’ll prompt you in your own reflection (or prinking ha!). Maybe not. Maybe they’ll prompt you to have a conversation with a safe friend about how you feel as a single. Maybe not. Maybe they’ll just help you face a hidden motivator and guide you to be more self-aware around why you do the things you do or why you think the way you think regarding singleness.
I want to note – in the best interest for your own contemplation. Don’t rush this. Give yourself permission to read this slowly, pray slowly, think slowly. Said differently – you don’t have to wait for pre-marital counseling (read: someone wanting to marry you) to be deeply interested in what makes you ‘you’ and where your whole framework for living comes from and affects you personally and your relationships.
Invest quality time in yourself, you beautiful single you.
….cuz introspection will always be sexy.
- What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of being single (and we’re talking for a prolonged amount of time)?
- How did your parents (mentors, leaders, etc) inform your perspective of marriage?
- What did you learn from your parents (mentors, leaders, etc) on singleness? On dating?
- What do you worry about the most if you don’t get married in the next 10 years?
- How has any part of culture influenced your thoughts and feelings about singleness?
- Who has had the greatest positive influence in your life in regards to how you live while single?
- If money weren’t an object, how would you spend your time?
- What things in life – when they happen – make you sing?
- Off the cuff, what do you enjoy the most about not being married?
- What adventure have you been on that you would not have been able to do if you were married?
- If the way you’ve felt about singleness could be captured in a song, would it be a sad ballad or a summer dance song?
- Do you feel like you’re missing out on something? What?
- As you’ve aged, how have you dealt with your loneliness?
- How do you encourage yourself on the days where you feel the lowest?
- If you knew in advance you were going to get married in 1 year and life would change drastically, what are some things you would prioritize to get done before then?
- If you were married, what are several big things you would contribute to the relationship (or how would you make your spouse’s life better?)
- If divorce stats show that primary reasons for divorce include financial disagreements, how are you getting your financial house in order?
- What do you do to make time for yourself – your health and happiness?
- What are you doing to stretch yourself in your relationships?
- What have you learnt about the opposite sex (that has been confirmed or reinforced by reliable friends and sources) that shifted your attitude or behavior in interactions with them?
- What are your strengths and weaknesses?
- What weaknesses are you not willing to change yet?
- What are some non-negotiables for you in dating?
- What have you learnt from your past dating experiences?
- What role does God or faith play in the way you view singleness, dating, and marriage?
- How are you protecting your heart from bitterness and confusion?
- When you review your family’s history with regard to relationships, what do you see – positive or negative?
- What major decisions have you delayed till marriage and why?
- What does it mean to be successful?
- How are you leading yourself to being happy, healthy, and progressing in your job and dreams?
What question really stood out to you the most? Feel free to comment below or email me at hello@sheventuresnow.com.